Skip to main content

Whining....

                                                                                                       Saturday, September 24, 2011


    I confess today I am feeling a little daunted by the task I have laid out and I am feeling a little sorry for myself, or perhaps angry,  that I have to take this walk.  I have been on this journey for a long time.  I have tried to come to terms with death and to stop being so mad at God.  It  has not been easy, no vacation here.  And after all that, I'm still not done!
     It seems so unfair (I say as a stomp my foot) that I have to work so hard now to lose this weight and to reclaim myself.  Have I not worked hard enough the last 6 years getting to this place?  I know, I'm whining, and whining is annoying.  I know life is unfair, but I'm complaining about it.  It's not fair that I lost so many in such a short time span, it's not fair it has taken 6 years to realize I have been in the dark abyss and it's not fair that the journey out of it will be, in many ways, more difficult then the journey into it.  I am impatient, I want it to just be over.  I want my body and my life back and I want them NOW!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

 December, 2018                                                                          Cancer                                                                       A journey Having watched my parents die of cancer I thought I knew just how terrible cancer is, but I was wrong. You ca...
Post a Comment
Read more

Impending Graduation

I have not looked or even thought about this so called blog since the last entry. Sadly, in all that time, nothing has changed.  Pretty pathetic, I know. Nicholas graduates a week from Monday and I have not lost a single pound.  I may have gained a couple more though. What is wrong with me!?! Dana remains unemployed after almost 4 years. We have exhausted our savings and all of our retirement funds.  We have sold all my jewelry and are in the process of selling books and movies. We have struggled to pay our rent for the last 7-8 months.  We have some great friends who have helped when they can. God Bless them. Surely, between death, debilitating depression, job loss, huge money worries and all the other bad luck we have had, we must be due very soon for a run of good luck and happy times.  Pray for that for us please. Graduation - my one and only is graduating high school on June 17th. He will turn 18 on June 25th. It has been amazing watching him grow-up fr...
Post a Comment
Read more

Homebody

     So I was supposed to have lunch last week with my friend, Sue.  But I canceled because I didn't want to go out.  Too much effort to shower, find something to wear, get downtown...  It was easier to just back out.  Sue, in her goodness, was understanding but also concerned about the management of my depression.  I found myself explaining myself to her and in the process learned why, deep down, I don't like going out.      My response to her concern was as follows.  "You are too kind. I am better than it sounds. I am by nature a homebody. Have been my whole life. A lot of what's going on is because I have such a hard time moving about these days. Walking from my house to Alamo on the corner is enough to make my back hurt. I am so out of shape, it makes walking painful. But I try to take little steps. It's embarrassing to be walking with someone and have to stop because my back is all tensed up and hur...
2 comments
Read more